Some Very Short Stories

I took part in a challenge a few months ago. A kind and generous person organized it. The organizer posted photos, and the challenge participants had to write a story about the photo…

or inspired by the photo…whatever. It just 100-200 words. And we were to have fun! These are some of the stories I wrote. Some of the photos were GIFs, and I couldn’t get those out of Facebook.

Star Wars

My neighbor’s kids liked Star Wars from a very young age. They hadn’t seen the movies, but they acted them out. It was like a magic trick they would help each other with. They were mimicking me, of course. I had a magnet I could pin to my pants. Then, I had a paper clip I would set on the table. I’d make motions with my hands like I was pushing on the paper clip with my mind, then I would move my leg. The magnet would drag the paper clip a few inches away. They thought I was moving the paper clip with my mind. Then, they would try to move one another with their minds. Of course, it didn’t work, but because they co-operated so nicely with each other, the Jedi would act like he was moving the robot with his mind, and then the robot would fall down. They played that game over and over again, because it was so cool to act out the “magic” I’d shown them. They thought they were mimicking magic, but they were the magic. I watched those two kids, and they had complete control of me. I couldn’t help but smile.

Green Onions

When a child is young enough, everything is new to them. When first born, children don’t even know they have feet, or that they have right and left. When my children were infants, we had a book designed to help us teach them things like this. Things we didn’t even know people needed to learn: like the existence of right and left. This child’s facial expressions remind me of the look one of my sons got from tasting green onions.

Yes, that’s right, green onions.

He was teething. His gums hurt, but he didn’t actually have any teeth out yet. So, he couldn’t chew much. Yet, he seemed fascinated with the green onions we were cutting for ourselves. So, we gave him one. He immediately stuck it in his mouth and started gumming it. First, he puckered… as though he’d just bitten a lemon. Then, he shook his head a little, and the cringe turned to a great big smile.

He gummed green onions to pieces for twenty minutes at a time, day after day, for months after that. Don’t know if they took away the pain or he just liked the flavor, but he sure did like those onions!

The Power of Copywriting

“A certain little person named Than wanted something. He was little because he was young: only 2 years old. He hadn’t learned copywriting yet, so he didn’t know the power of a well crafted set of fascination bullets. He didn’t know the difference between features and benefits. He only knew two tactics. He knew how say, “I want…”, and it usually worked for him. But not today. Today, he wanted to get a little white ball into a hole in the ground, and the little white ball wouldn’t co-operate. That’s when Than decided to take the nuclear option: full scale tantrum! He kicked. He screamed. He rolled on the ground. But the ball still wouldn’t budge. Stubborn ball. If only Than had known the power of copywriting! Then, he could have used his magic words to enchant the ball. He could have hypnotized it; forced it with his understanding of ball psychology into bending to his will. The ball would have been unable to resist Than’s power!”
Then, my son interrupted his bedtime story with these words, “Daddy! That’s not how that works. That’s not how that works at all!”
“You’re a smart kid. Sleep well. Good night.”

Cup-a-Bunnies

My son wanted a pet bunny rabbit. Someone who lived near us had a litter (accidentally), and didn’t have the heart to have them for dinner, so this kind soul was giving them away. But, there were two left. My son couldn’t imagine breaking up the siblings and not letting them grow up together, so we took both. We built a hutch for them. It turned out they weren’t the same gender. That was 10 years ago. We keep the hutch on the ground so they can eat grass. Since then, we’ve sold 1680 rabbits at $10 each…and because we move the hutch once a day, we never have to mow!

I purchased a herd of alpacas thinking I was going to get rich from their exquisite wool. They are wonderful animals: inexpensive to feed, they protect the chickens from predators, and I get wool back from them. But, just before shearing time, I always get animal rights activists telling me that my alpacas are allergic to something on my farm. They must be, since they look like they have been blown up like balloons! I tell them, “No. They just need to be shorn.” But, these activists don’t believe me.
I have to go get video footage of my animals being shorn to get them to go away.
Silly city folk.

“You know that people who believe in magic (or who believe in Leprechauns) are insane, right?”

“Of course. Everyone knows that.”

“But what if the person who believes those things is right?”

“Then that person is not insane, but you aren’t a person. You’re a Leprechaun. So, if you believe you can do magic, you aren’t insane. But I can tell by looking at you that you ARE insane! What’s with your eyes, anyway?”

“You shouldn’t talk that way to a Leprechaun. You know what I could do to you?”

“I know or I don’t. What’s the difference? I believe in Leprechauns, so I must be insane. I have an excuse for not behaving in a rational way. You know what your complete lack of empathy means? Sure, you could destroy me with a snap of your fingers…. but if you did, wouldn’t that show you are either a sociopath or a psychopath?”

“Fine. But, because I can do magic, they couldn’t keep me in an insane asylum anyway. So, what difference does it make if I’m insane? I’ll still do whatever I want!”

“If I’m having a conversation with a Leprechaun, I need some sleep. Good night!”